The LAst F'ing mess
by Jerus
Summary: Jerus is back for the last time and he wants revenge.


Title: The Fcking Finale  
  
Author: Same as always.  
  
Subject: Hermione gives birt and the baby boy grows up and  
  
makes his way to the real world for revenge.  
  
It was cold. The child didn't understand why he was cold he was wrapped in warm amniotic   
  
fluid, All he knew was he would kill Legolin her husband and their child. Soon he felt  
  
the walls pushing in on him and he knew he was being born.  
  
Hermione pushed as Ron held her hand and Mrs Weasely helped deliver the child.  
  
Out of nowhere a black void appeared and sucked the child into it. a few seconds later out  
  
stepped a teenage boy with black hair glasses and a ? mark on his neck.  
  
Boy: Ahh plot contrivance mixed with a plot hole now thats fun. As for you freaks...  
  
He pulled an AK from his coat and fired it mercilessly into the wizards and witches.  
  
Boy: Jerus is back.  
  
A voice spoke from the skies. He looked around with shock.  
  
Author: It's good to see you back baby, now lets get you into the real world.  
  
He could hear a whirring sound as a wormhole opened in space time he stepped through  
  
and saw a petite blonde waiting for him. He smiled and leaned down kissing her tenderly.  
  
Jerus: It's time for my revenge my sweet Nancy lets get them.  
  
She grinned then did a little pout.  
  
Nancy: Can't we spend some alone time first.  
  
Jerus: Alright I could never deny you my pet.  
  
Then they made sweet love.  
  
Meanwhile across town in a three bedroom house in the middle of nowhere Legolin lay in her  
  
lover's arms but she found no rest she stood up the covers dropping away from her naked  
  
body she dressed in a silk robe and went into her son, Michael Ches Greenleaf's room he  
  
was only five and she worried even though she had finally killed Jerus in both worlds.  
  
There was something she couldnt quite remember about Jerus. He had seemed like such a nice  
  
kid in school but the things he wrote were disturbing. She shook her head she knew she   
  
should just forget it he was dead. She climbed back into bed and went to sleep again  
  
for some reason her dreams were about the matrix.  
  
Back at Nancy's place thee hours later Jerus was on the computer typing something as ]  
  
Nancy laid naked in bed.  
  
Nancy: What are you doing now?  
  
Jerus: If she's as smart as I remember her she'll know I'm coming i just want to be prepared.  
  
Nancy: You think she's more attractive then me?  
  
Jerus: Nancy I love you and as attractive as she is it would be like compareing the Moon  
  
to the Sun.  
  
Nancy: I want you to cut out her eyes. I want to eat them.  
  
Jerus: Ok now your starting to sound like Drusill....  
  
He turned back and saw his lover in vampire face.  
  
Jerus: Oh wow when did this happen?  
  
Nancy:I got attacked by a man in an alley and I woke up home all fangy.  
  
Jerus smiled and then approached her.  
  
Jerus: Sire me babe.  
  
Nancy grinned and bit into his throat tenderly.  
  
The next morning they awoke again in each others arms.   
  
Jerus:well I think I got a plan. Tonight we sneak in an do damage then get out toy with  
  
them a bit.  
  
Nancy: Oh goody. What shall we do with the child.  
  
Jerus: Kill him while mommy watches probably.  
  
Nancy: ooh that sounds like such fun widdle boy go all dead for his mommy.  
  
Jerus: your sounding like Dru again but i'm fine you play dru i'll be Spike.  
  
Vanessa awoke and went downstairs at about 6:00 and heard a knocking on the door.  
  
She saw a blonde girl with a friend she couldn't quite see that went to school   
  
with her back before it had blown up.Vanessa smiled and invited her and the friend in.  
  
Suddenly with lightning speed the friend crossed the room grabbing her throat.  
  
Jerus: Glad to see you again love I do owe you one for killing me.  
  
He tossed her through the wall watching her land in front of a scared little boy.  
  
Jerus approached the boy but heard screams coming from behind him. He turned and saw   
  
Nancy on fire with an arrow in her back Legolas held his bow and flaming arrow pointed at  
  
him. He leapt and grabbed a curtain putting the fire out as Legolas ran to his love's side.  
  
Jerus: I wasn't going to kill you stupid sod but now all of you will die.  
  
Suddenly a green kid riding a rocket dog flew by.  
  
Jerus: Well just when it was making some sodding sense.  
  
He grabbed Nancy and ran out the door.  
  
Legolas looked at his wife as she awoke. and whispered to her.  
  
Legolas: Our home is no longer safe we must return to middle earth.  
  
Jerus kissed Nancy gently. the blood of Yugi Mutoh had healed her up nicely. though it upset  
  
him that she was attracted to him for the short life he had.  
  
Nancy: Nasty pointy eared man with fire sticks he hurt me bad daddy.  
  
Jerus: Dont worry i'm going to break him in sodding half.  
  
Jerus turned and pressed the button and suddenly they were back in middle earth.  
  
Luke skywalker and captain picard were standing on a grassy knoll talking about the force.  
  
Suddenly Oj simpson was fighting timmy while pamela anderson cheered them on.  
  
Jerus took Nancys' hand and walked off with her, kicking a hobbit in the head on his way out.  
  
A large Cheese began rolling down the hill at them while a can of spam fought a dead parrot.  
  
Jerus: To rivendell.  
  
At rivendell Legolin, Michael, and Legolas were sitting huddled in the mostly destroyed   
  
castle. Zombies were wandering the landscape as Legolin watched. The moon was falling slowly.  
  
Out of the moonlight Jerus appeared brandishing a blade.  
  
Jerus: There can be only one.  
  
Legolin: Legolas fire!  
  
Nothing happened and she turned around to find him being drank from by Nancy.  
  
Legolin:NOOOO!!!!  
  
She screamed and pulled her own bow she aimed at Nancy's heart. Jerus crossed the distance  
  
between them and wrenched the bow from her hands and grabbed her around the neck.  
  
Jerus: Back when i was human i may have thought you were attractive but now your just a bit...  
  
He barely got to speak when aragorn fell out of the sky landing on him   
  
sending them both toppling to the ground. Aragorn stood up first.  
  
Aragorn: Wow thank god this guy broke my fall from the cliff. Jerus got up and decapitated   
  
Aragorn. Nancy giggled and Legolin turned to see her son go flying off the side of the castle wall.  
  
Legolin screamed but it was cut off by a gurgle as she found herself impaled on the blade.  
  
Jerus: Remember Bitch the house always wins.  
  
He grunted then dropped her laughing and walking away with his girl she saw her husband and   
  
son from where she lay broken and bleeding and sobbed before the blackness took her.  
  
THE END 


End file.
